From sunset to nightmare
by dicaprio
Summary: What happened when Craig returned to Dublin after the trip to Scotland with Steph and Tom in November 2008
1. Chapter 1 The struggle

**Chapter 1 – 28 November 2008 - Craig arrives back in Dublin after the Scotland trip **

"So, you've come back then, have you?" sneers JP coldly, without looking up, when he hears the front door close and footsteps enter the room. It's late afternoon, and he's lying on the couch in front of the TV in his and Craig's Dublin apartment, having a beer (his second since getting up barely half an hour earlier). He is still really angry with Craig for going to Scotland and leaving him all alone.

_**Five days earlier **_

"Where the f**k have you been?" roars Craig, as soon as he opens the front door and sees JP standing there. "And who the f**k is he?" he adds angrily, on seeing that JP is not alone.

For sheer spite (things have gotten that bad), JP refuses to explain either about where he's been since the previous evening, or about the guy who appears to be with him; he simply walks past Craig and into the appartment without a word.

"JP," shouts Craig chasing after him, "don't you f**king walk away from me. Just because you're having a hard time doesn't mean you get to treat me like a doormat, you pr*ck." He grabs JP firmly by the arm. As he spins around, JP plants the flat of his palm against Craig's chest and pins him up against the wall, and then slowly his hand slides up until he has Craig by the throat. In that moment, as they stare at each other with thundering looks, all JP wants to do is tighten his grip on Craig's throat until he has squeezed the life out of him.

After what seems like an eternity, reason slowly returns, and JP becomes aware of what he's doing. He realises that Craig is trying to get his attention, to get him to release his slowly-tightening grip, and that all his anger has been replaced with fear. JP quickly releases his hold and drops his hand to his side, stepping back.

"Where have you been?" asks Craig once more, once he's got is breath back. His voice is now a lot less confrontational, and he is no longer able to make eye contact. He gently massages the red marks on his neck as he waits for an answer.

JP just shrugs, giving the impression he feels the question is hardly worth a response. What he really wants to do is throw his arms around Craig and beg for his forgiveness, but he doesn't, he can't. He is horrified by what he has just done, but he doesn't know how to communicate this to Craig – he can't apologise, because then he would have to try to explain what's going on in his head, which is totally beyond him; and guarantee it won't happen again, which is something he can't do. He has never in his life felt so unsure of himself.

In the past, he and Craig have always had a passionate relationship, and things have often become heated between them; but JP knows it's different this time, more unequal. It hits him forcefully that he has actually reached the stage where he might really hurt Craig, if he doesn't get a grip. He wonders, not for the first time, how things have come to this. Barely two months ago, his dearest wish had come true. Living in Dublin with Craig turned out to be just as he'd always imagined in his most self-indulgent daydreams: they fit together perfectly. He'd managed to transfer his degree to Trinity, and both he and Craig went there together each day. It was like being back in Hollyoaks High, except that they didn't need to hide who they were, and there were no pesky females getting in the way. It was a very simple life, but they were so happy in their little routine' just being together, even if it was on a budget. He'd managed to get a part-time DJing gig in a really great club, and everyone was very nice to him. He remembered thinking more than once that it was almost too good to be true, which of course it turned out to be. Just four short blissful weeks after they arrived he got the call from Niall, which turned his life into this living nightmare.

"I tried to call you this morning." Craig continues desperately, realising JP has drifted away from him again. "Your phone was answered by some kids who told me you were dead." He feels his voice rising emotionally, but can't help it. "They told me they'd found you lying out the back of the club with your head split open. I couldn't be sure they were lying. You've been so reckless recently ... I couldn't get hold of you … I was so scared," he concludes tearfully.

"Maybe it would've been better if I had died," replies JP miserably.

At this point, the 'discussion' abruptly ends. Craig goes as white as a sheet, before turning on his heal and quickly walking into their bedroom. A few minutes later he comes out with a rucksack, and without a word walks straight past JP and the guy (who is desperately trying to avoid being noticed, whilst at the same time not missing a thing), and out the door.

"My jacket got nicked – it had my phone, wallet and keys in it - that's why I couldn't call him," says JP huskily, the vivid blue of his eyes betraying his anguish at Craig's sudden departure.

"Right, sure that's an awful shame," replies the guy awkwardly – he decides against offering his opinion that every man and his dog has a phone these days, if you really needed to make a call … "So, um, can you show me where the meter is?" he asks instead.

Until he receives a short text from him the next day saying: "Going to Scotland with Steph and Tom for a few days," JP doesn't know if Craig is ever going to come back to him.


	2. Chapter 2 John Paul's pain

_**A couple of days earlier**_

By the time he'd finished his set Friday night, JP was already pretty tanked – he'd recently started drinking on the job; and Sharon, who worked behind the bar, made sure to keep him topped up during the night. When he realised his jacket had been stolen, his first thought was that it would be yet another thing for Craig to bitch about (he'd left for work earlier that evening in the middle of yet another one of their arguments). On the spot, JP made an impulsive decision to crash at Sharon's for the night.

He woke up at around noon the following day, feeling like s**t. Making his way carefully to the kitchen, he found a note from Sharon letting him know that she'd gone to see her mum for a couple of days, and telling him to make himself at home for as long as he liked. Taking her at her word, JP raided the fridge and made himself a sandwich before going back to bed. The next time he woke it was evening. He got up, had a shower, and headed back to the club.

"Have you been home yet?" growled Paul, the club manager, angrily as soon as he saw him walking in the door. And before JP could answer, he added, "If you haven't, you can just turn around right now and head there. When I arrived to open up this morning, Craig was waiting for me, and he was in a right state. Some stupid f**king kids had put the idea into his head that you were lying dead round the back of the club. Why the hell didn't you go home after you left here, or at least let him know where you were?"

Without a word, JP turned on his heel, went back out the door and headed for home. For a minute he'd felt so guilty for what he'd put Craig through, had been putting him through for the past few weeks; but almost immediately this feeling was overtaken by an irrational anger that Craig was making such a fuss and making him look like an idiot to Paul.

What he didn't know was that Paul had already spoken to Craig about him and his erratic behaviour since returning from Hollyoaks; and knowing all he'd been through, was cutting him as much slack as he could, feeling only pity for him.

_**The case for the defense**_

Although it's hard to excuse his behaviour, you have to understand that JP was suffering terribly over Tina's death. He'd never in his life lost someone so close to him, but it wasn't just her dying, it was the horrible way it happened. He knew deep down that he wasn't responsible; but as he replayed over and over in his mind the events leading up to that terrible night in the church, he agonised over things he could have done differently - he and Kieran had shared a flat with Niall for months, and maybe they should have noticed something. In hindsight, of course, it was easy to see that Niall's behaviour was often erratic (he and Kieran never knew where they stood with him, or what mood he was going to be in from one moment to the next). But if you don't realise you should be looking for signs … One thing he could not escape, was the fact that if he hadn't been with Kieran, he would still be alive today. Losing two such sweet, loveable people within a few weeks of each other; not to mention being kidnapped and at one point being utterly convinced he was about to die, and having to watch his mother and sisters suffer and be unable to do anything about it; it was all just too much. He still had nightmares where he woke up convinced they'd all been blown up in the church; he could still hear their screams, and remember his own utter terror. With all this going on in his head, he couldn't control his emotions; one moment he wanted to put his fist through a wall, the next he wanted to lock himself away and cry his eyes out.


	3. Chapter 3 A moment of clarity

_**Back to the "present", and Craig's return from Scotland**_

When Craig doesn't answer, still with his eyes glued to the TV, JP adds defiantly, "If you've come back to have another go; if you think I'm going to apologise for staying out for one lousy night, you can forget it mate." Although he's so relieved that Craig has returned to him, has in fact missed him desperately, his anger has not lessened. He's ready, and almost desperate, for another fight – sometimes he feels that the only time he can forget is when he's concentrating fully on Craig, either when they're fighting or making love; and for some reason, MAYBE because he's been taking all his grief and pain out on him, Craig hasn't let JP touch him in weeks; so all he has left are arguments, and of course alcohol, to dull the pain.

Craig, on the other hand, has been through hell in the last week, and has no fight left in him. As soon as he sees JP he feels his control start to slip, his eyes fill up and he starts to shake uncontrollably. He can't get the words out at first, but then manages to whisper, "John Paul."

JP looks up sharply, and is immediately on his feet when he sees the state Craig is in (including his sweet little face all battered and bruised). "Craig, what the hell happened?" he cries anxiously as he rushes towards him.

Craig weakly raises his arms towards JP, and then drops them again helplessly.

Taking him by the shoulders, JP asks him again, more gently, "Baby, what happened?" At this, Craig completely lets go, every terrible and terrifying moment from the last week finally catching up with him. In Scotland he had to be strong for Steph and Tom, but now he's home.

JP takes him in his arms and holds him while he cries it all out. He then puts him sitting down on the sofa, gets him a beer and lets him tell the whole story in his own time. After he's finished, JP takes the empty beer can from Craig and wraps his arms around him once more, pulling him gently into his strong embrace before settling back on the sofa. Almost immediately, Craig falls asleep (for the first time in days).

Stunned by all he has just been told, and it's implications, JP goes over everything again in his head as he absently strokes Craig's arm in a soothing motion and breathes in his comforting scent.

He realises that this means Niall has finally been punished for what he did to Tina and Kieran – the idea that he was going to get away with everything, and that JP hadn't been able to do anything to save either his sister or his friend, had been eating away at him.

He thinks about all Craig suffered at the hands of that monster. He could have died. Niall could have dragged him off the cliff with him. "I could have lost him forever," he thinks in a panic, feeling sick at the thought. He holds Craig closer to him. Suddenly, he is very aware of how much he has to lose; he knows he wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces if he lost Craig again. He remembers how miserable he was that whole long year after he left the first time – how being with other guys, and even with Kieran, only made him realise how much he loved Craig, and that anything else would be a poor second best (which is what he had been about to settle for before Craig came back for him). He also knows it would be a hundred times worse this time.

Then he thinks about how much Craig has put up with from him since he returned from Hollyoaks, and how hard he's tried to help him no matter how many times JP knocked him back. Out of nowhere it comes to him, for the very first time since the beginning of their tumultuous relationship: he is completely one hundred percent sure that Craig loves him. "It only took you 3 years," he murmurs to himself as he holds Craig even closer, almost waking him because he is crushing him and Craig is having trouble breathing. Releasing his hold just a little, he cherishes this beautiful warm body pressed against his. Feeling ever so slightly positive for the first time since Tina died, he kisses the top of Craig's head and smiles a little smile.

_The end_

_**Thank you for reading this story. I hope you liked it. **_


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